Training Managers to be Leaders: Coaching for Confidence Beyond “Fake It Till You Make It”

Building confidence in leaders is about cultivating the right leadership practices and breaking the wrong ones.

Confidence has a strange power. We recognize it instantly, admire it in others, and chase it endlessly in ourselves. Yet we often mistake it for an emotion—something we have to feel before we can act. In truth, confidence behaves less like a feeling and more like a craft. It’s not magic; it’s mechanics. The people who rise in organizations aren’t always the ones who brim with self-belief—they’re the ones who’ve learned to build confidence the way a carpenter builds a chair: through structure, balance, and repetition.

This distinction—between feeling confident and conveying confidence—is crucial. The data shows that conveyed confidence is one of the strongest predictors of leadership effectiveness. Leaders who project assurance are more likely to be trusted, granted responsibility, and seen as competent—even when their track record isn’t perfect. In fact, the “confidence effect” persists even after mistakes, offering leaders a protective halo.

That doesn’t mean the best leadership qualities are a facade. It means confidence belongs alongside vision, integrity, and empathy as something leaders can deliberately practice. For organizations committed to training managers to be leaders, this shift is powerful: confidence stops being an elusive personality trait and becomes a set of teachable leadership habits.

The Disconnect Between Feeling and Showing

One of the most surprising findings from leadership research is the weak correlation between felt and conveyed confidence. In plain terms: you don’t need to feel bold to appear bold.

This doesn’t imply inauthenticity. Authenticity is not about unfiltered transparency; it’s about alignment between values and actions. Leaders can be nervous inside and still choose behaviors that communicate steadiness. In fact, practicing confident behaviors often helps generate the feeling itself. External signals create positive feedback loops: colleagues respond with trust, opportunities increase, and the inner state of confidence begins to catch up.

This aligns with arguments made in Fast Company: confidence should be treated less as a mood and more as a practice. Just as importantly, the wrong leadership habits can quietly sabotage progress. As author Selena Rezvani notes, subtle choices—like using “low-status” language, playing it too safe, or underselling your value—are “habits that kill your confidence” because they reinforce self-doubt and diminish how others see you. The takeaway is double-edged: building confidence is about cultivating the right practices and breaking the wrong ones.

The Behavioral Formula

Confidence doesn’t emerge from a vacuum—it rests on specific, observable actions. Recent data from Management Research Group identifies eight behavioral levers linked with greater perceived confidence.

Five are about dialing behaviors up:

• Management Focus: Taking charge, setting direction, dealing directly with conflict.
• Technical Expertise: Demonstrating knowledge and applying it visibly.
• Strategic Thinking: Prioritizing and anticipating long-term implications.
• Persuasiveness: Crafting compelling arguments and winning others over.
• Assertiveness: Challenging ideas constructively and standing firm under pressure.

And three are about dialing down—without turning off entirely:

• Deference to Authority: Over-reliance on senior approval.
• Consensual Behavior: Seeking endless input instead of making timely calls.
• Cooperation: Being so accommodating that priorities and authority blur.

These are not personality swaps but tuning knobs. Leaders already use most of them to some degree. The work lies in calibration—identifying which dials are set too high or too low and adjusting to project steadiness without losing balance.

Case in Point: Coaching for Confidence In Action

When Andre first became a manager, he was brilliant but invisible. At twenty-eight, he was leading a small team of engineers at a transportation firm. Technically, he was sharp; emotionally, he was hesitant. Team meetings drifted because Andre didn’t like interrupting. When deadlines slipped, he apologized instead of taking command. His boss saw potential but worried he wasn’t leadership material.

When Andre began coaching, he confessed, “I just don’t want to be that kind of boss—the one everyone resents.” He had once worked under a micromanaging, dictatorial leader and vowed never to repeat the experience. In avoiding that pattern, he had gone too far in the other direction. His team liked him—but they were lost.

Together with his coach, Andre began experimenting with new leadership habits. Small things at first: entering meetings with a clear agenda, stating the objective up front, and summarizing decisions at the end. He started a “strategy hour” every Monday morning—one uninterrupted hour for planning key priorities and anticipating tough conversations. He practiced using persuasive language with senior leaders, preparing talking points rather than winging it.

The early attempts felt awkward. “It’s like wearing someone else’s jacket,” he joked after his first assertive meeting. But he kept at it, adjusting tone and timing. Within months, his team started responding differently. They were clearer on goals, more accountable, and oddly, more relaxed. His boss noticed too: “You’re driving the conversation now, not reacting to it.”

Two years later, Andre’s transformation was unmistakable. His colleagues described him as confident and decisive; his team rated him as one of the most effective managers in the division. His boss, once skeptical, called him “exceptional.” The difference wasn’t psychological—it was behavioral. Andre hadn’t changed who he was; he had refined how he led.

What changed wasn’t his personality—it was his leadership habits: small, repeatable actions that signaled steadiness, conviction, and clarity.

Calibrating for Equity

Of course, context matters. Behaviors aren’t judged in a vacuum. A decisive man may be praised as confident, while a decisive woman risks being labeled abrasive. Leaders of color may walk an even narrower tightrope.

This reality doesn’t negate the importance of conveying confidence; it demands nuance. Leaders can experiment with incremental changes, use feedback loops to monitor reactions, and select confidence-building behaviors that fit both their values and their environment. For coaches and organizations, the message is clear: one-size-fits-all prescriptions won’t work. Training managers to be leaders involves understanding that confidence is learned through practice, but that practice must be adaptive.

From Leadership Traits to Leadership Training

The practical implication is profound: if confidence rests on behavior, then training managers to be leaders can and should be done through structured development. That means:

• Objective assessment to baseline behaviors and perceptions.
• Targeted focus on a few behaviors rather than overwhelming leaders with all eight.
• Rituals and habits—weekly strategy reviews, explicit decision statements, persuasive preparation—that hard-wire confidence into daily work.
• Pulse checks that track perception as well as performance, ensuring that confidence signals are landing as intended.

This reframing upgrades leadership development. Confidence is no longer a vague “executive presence” box; it’s a set of concrete practices. That’s how organizations can embed the best leadership qualities across their bench of emerging leaders.

What’s The Big Idea?

Confidence is not some mystical trait that some are born with and others lack. It’s a practice grounded in behavior. Leaders can choose to step into it, day after day, by tuning how they communicate, decide, and direct.

When leaders adopt leadership habits that project assurance—making timely decisions, framing strategy, persuading with clarity—they gain trust, opportunities, and influence. And in that loop of practice and reinforcement, they often discover the inner confidence they thought they lacked.

So stop waiting to feel ready. Start behaving ready. That’s not faking it—it’s making it, deliberately and on purpose.